The Undyne Way
by A Wild Morgan Freeman Appeared
Summary: Needless to say, the surface would take some getting used to. Unfortunately, the surface would never get used to Undyne.


'So, uhh, hey Alphys!"

The sheepish voice of Undyne sounded through the telephone. Now, Undyne was not exactly known for being sheepish. Far from it, actually. But at _this very moment,_ she wasn't exactly boasting with pride.

"H-Hey!" The shaky voice of Alphys was heard from the other end of the receiver. She was just sitting at home, minding her own business as she tends to do. It wasn't unusual for Undyne to give her calls. Though, it _was_ unusual for her to be so sheepish. Sure, Undyne _was_ naturally more timid around the yellow dinosaur, but this case in particular seemed to be quite… bad.

Undyne also wasn't calling from her cell phone. Alphys had a sinking feeling that this was not going to end well.

"Would you mind, you know… picking me up?" Undyne said with a smile, though the person on the other end couldn't see it.

"S-Sure thing! Where a-are you?" Alphys began to instinctively get nervous. Even when there was nothing to be worried about- _yet_ –she couldn't help but stutter in front of the fish girl. Even when fish girl said was not in front of her.

"That's the thing… I don't really know where I am…. Hah…. Hah…." It was the truth. Undyne had no idea _how_ she got there. All she knew is _why_ she got there. "So, you know, it would be great if you could track down where I am…"

"W-what happened to you?" Alphys shot out, in which Undyne let out a nervous laugh.

"Well, you see, it all started when I went to go get some groceries…"

* * *

It was a normal enough day. Even though we are out of the underground, I'm still giving Papyrus his cooking lessons. I don't really know why, actually. There's plenty of other things he could do with his life now that he's on the surface. But really, who cares!? Beating up wimpy losers is fun!

So I realized I ran out of spaghetti. Obviously, we can't have a cooking lesson without spaghetti. I'm sure Papyrus would die a little on the inside if I did that to him. While I do thing that would be HILLARIOUS to watch, I decided to hold back. For now.

So I go into this place, and it's HUGE. Double the size of any other store I've ever seen. I think they call this place a superstore or something. Anyways, it's like a maze in there. I can't find my way around, it's stuffy, losers everywhere. It's not really my kind of place, you know? Eventually I got sick of looking around and just _politely_ asked the closest lose- I mean person, I could find for directions. I eventually found my way to the spaghetti aisle. I made sure to implant a spear into the ceiling so I never had to go through this again.

But here, they got all these different types. It's so complicated! You got these weird bow ruffled things, these logs with slanted ends, some HUGE noodle. I'm sure Papyrus could have seen this and died happy. So, I see all these types of spaghetti, oh yeah, they call it 'Pasta' here. I'm learning!

I couldn't decide, so I decided to just take all of them. Multiple of all of them, of course, so I didn't need to come back here for a while. Carrying all that stuff was a real handful, so I grabbed this neat thing called a 'shopping cart' to put it in. Anyways, I reeled that thing to the checkout line.

The line was _so long._

Why did so many losers need to line up in front of me!? I couldn't just stand there, I had a skeleton to teach! I grabbed the cart by its wheels and chucked it out the window! It was AWESOME. Those weird conveyor belt things had NOTHING on my spears! Running through another window, I caught the cart just before it fell and lifted it above me! I was going to make it! I started the mad dash for home. Papyrus was going to get his cooking lesson, whether he wanted it or not!

I took out my phone and dialed up Papyrus. I was still running the streets. Much to my dismay, it began to rain. No matter! Since when did some puny drops of water do anything to _me!?_

"OI! PAPYRUS!"

"Undyne! I WAS WALKING TO YOUR HOUSE AS WE SPEAK!"

"Great! Look behind you!"

Man, I looked _awesome._ Especially with those fancy white cars following me. They had some kinda siren gimmick going on. Papyrus would like them. Speaking of that nerd…

He looked kinda shocked, you know? Oh well. I picked him up by his legs and threw him on top of the cart. I could have just gone into my house and gave him the cooking lesson, BUT WHO DOES THINGS THE EASY WAY!?

"Papyrus! You got your own cooking supplies, right?" I yelled at him. He gave an audible nod in response.

"OF COURSE! YOU ALWAYS NEED TO BE PRE-"

"Get out the pot! We got a special cooking lesson for today!"

Thankfully, the rain was coming down pretty hard at this point. I didn't really know where I was going, but DIRECTIONS ARE FOR SISSIES. "Papyrus! Use the rain water to fill up the pot!"

"OF COURSE!"

The pot was going to be full. Great. "UNDYNE! WHAT ARE ALL THESE THINGS IN THIS CART?" I shook my head. Audibly. "Foolish Papyrus! I have found the motherload! It's called 'Pasta!' It's like spaghetti, but a DIFFERENT SHAPE!" Those white cars were not giving up. I know I'm popular, but seriously. You gotta know when to quit.

"ALRIGHT! THE POT IS FULL!"

"Great! Now grab a box AND THORW IT IN THERE!"

I saw the spaghetti noodles rain down the side of the cart. Guess he did put the box in there. CLOSE ENOUGH!

"You know what to do!" Yeah, he was just going to use fire magic. I heard the fire explode above me before instantly being smoldered. Another try, and nothing happened. Another try, and the flame stayed.

"UNDYNE! I LIT THE BOXES ON FIRE!"

"So!? COOK THE DAMN SPHAGETTI!"

He began to hastily cook the spaghetti over the burning boxes. I wish I could have seen it. Too bad I was carrying the cart. Up ahead, there was even more white cars. They were blocking my path. NOT. I tossed the cart- and Papyrus, too,- over the line and jumped over it! I caught the cart in mid-air and kept running! Nothing was going to stop me! At that point, though, I kinda forgot what I was doing. I just went with it.

So were running, and these white cars keep following us. Knowing Papyrus could probably stop them, I set down the cart, picked him up, and threw him out. I heard the sound of glass smashing. Oh well. I got on the cart before realizing it was on fire! I quickly picked out the flaming boxes and threw them at the white carts. Papyrus didn't even slow them down.

So I'm riding in this cart on this hill, and it's awesome. Then, when I got bored, I got out and pushed the cart myself. I did this for a solid four hours. I lost the white cars, but now I'm in the middle of this dirt road. Luckily, there was a convenient pay phone at the side of the road. So yeah.

* * *

"…"

"Alphys?"

"…"

"Hey, you still there?"

"I-I'm going to the bathroom!"

"Wait! Alphys! ALPHYS!"


End file.
